2020 was a year no-one anticipated, but even with the dark clouds, I found the silver lining in my personal, spiritual and professional growth. I discovered new pathways that fed my soul and a deep appreciation for the people and things most important to me, which sadly I didn’t give more gratitude towards living a hectic life. It truly became a year to self-reflect and remove everything that no longer fed my soul or contributed to my life positively. I learned to “namaste that shit'' and make room for soul-feeding people and moments. My husband and son have been true inspirations in the way they have navigated through this whole mess, accepting the roadblocks and trying to see the positives - even when more negatives outweigh them. In turn, we learned that our support and love for one another, can never diminish.
Let’s be real, are we really okay? ARE YOU OKAY? We all tried to pivot and shift, using those words ad nauseum, throughout this pandemic. Do we have a true understanding on how those words have ever-changing realizations moving ahead? I’ve talked to family and friends who have pivoted and shifted, trying to maneuver through all this, in survival mode. In the midst of all the uncertainties, some have become back-to-the-nesters, home-school teachers and caregivers, some have lost their jobs or became homeless…foreign territory for most, devastating for others. In some instances, they’ve gravitated towards other professions, for need, some finding a new passion. Passions that have made some “woke”, “advocates'', “patriots”, “detached”. Has this global pandemic made us more aware and have we finally seen our true light? Or has this made us leery of our future - making accommodations because of our own fears? Will this “pivot and shift '' be a fleeting dynamic that will ultimately fade and will we go back to what we were before? I don’t have the answers, but one thing I know for sure, the majority of us have rediscovered our core.
While I feel 2020 has “woken me up” to understand who I am as a person and my true “why”, I crave for the pre-2020 era, when life seemed to be on an upswing, business was booming, and we lived day-to-day with certainty. A certainty that was never promised. Now, that we are two months into 2021, we continue to be cautious in all of the uncertainty. This is not truer than in the live event, wedding and travel industry, my passion and career, which seems to have become the forgotten industry. As a destination wedding planner, event planner and travel enthusiast, this has definitely put a damper in future planning, I guess this is where being flexible comes in. For the last year, I have felt like I’ve been managing risk for my family and my clients, which does not necessarily bring creative joy but a necessity. I have been blessed with the most amazing clients and vendor partners, who in their own journey have been resilient, hopeful and understanding as we untangle a world that is on hold. But as we all are doing, we march on - lights raised high and hope for each other, waiting to see the glimmer on the other end.
Self-reflection can be a bitch. It really makes you question everything you thought you knew to be true. Making our present life an anxiety filled journey that is part fear and rational…where vodka, creativity, fight or flight mentality became a way to survive or maybe, at that the same time, to escape. I believe that most of us had a form of escapism throughout this whole thing or used it to mask our own worries, protecting ourselves and our loved ones from what was actually happening on a global and personal level. I for one, struggled to come to terms that nothing is promised (the constant optimist in me) and that I am not a psychic who could accurately see what the future truly holds. I learned that being “authentic” to myself and celebrating my strengths, while acknowledging my weakness as a parent, husband, friend, business owner and global citizen, at times it was a hard jab to the gut. As much as it hurt - I stood up and went at it again, with either me swinging or taking the punches, with grace and pain. Vulnerability acknowledgement is real, even for the person who knows, at my core, I am strong and a fighter. I acknowledge that strength does not equate to perfect and more likely than not it has it’s cracks.
Ultimately, we tend to get in our heads about everything! AND that’s the worst, because we are left to our own devices to fight our own demons…dissecting truth from misguided reality, control over lack of it, putting things in mental boxes labeled “YASSS GURL” to “Go Un-Fuck Yourself”. We grapple with questions like, “Are we doing enough?”, “Are we enough?”, “Are we right with ourselves?”, “What if?, “What Then?” and at times, “Who the fuck do you think you are?” or “Who the fuck do they think they are?”. DAMN, in 2020 they were all screaming at once! Who knew when you silenced the outside noise, the inside noise speaks so loudly. What this last year has taught me (and I’m still learning) is that these questions and voices are relevant to building who I am going to be moving forward.
In this new awakening, I realize, I may not be the best person in the room…and maybe in my own head I am more than I am, but…I know and have always known…I have a voice and a purpose. Maybe, in some small way, that’s enough? Maybe, in life’s simplicity, we just have to accept that our best contribution is simply, being you… the rawest, most vulnerable, unmasked version of yourself. For me, that inner-self (the person you were meant to be) had to resurface and break-through the noise of the outside world, to re-introduce “you” to the imperfectly, perfect you…and for that I am grateful. Hi, I am Percy and I’m glad to meet me again.